I need some light. The darkness seems to be settling in, pushing out even the shadows.
What good is any of this? How is this helping anyone? In many ways I just want it to be over. To be done with all of this. To have a nice, normal family. Maybe I heard the calling wrong. Maybe just donations would be good enough. Most Christians seem content to live that way. Maybe I can just ignore the scriptures that speak of helping orphans-just read over then or skip them completely. Or twist them so that they're metaphorical, it doesn't really mean to take in orphans!
Does this count as suffering for the sake of Christ? I'm not sure. He's the only reason I'm still hanging on though. If I weren't fully convinced it was right, I'd have given up already. Maybe pushing through will earn me a jewel or two in Heaven-that I can graciously lay at His feet. I'd hate to give up now and be empty handed when I finally go home.
I long for Heaven. Daily I pray that He returns. Please come take me today Lord. I hate this place, I want to be home.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Monday, August 23, 2010
Many Can, You Can Not
"If God has called you to be really like Jesus, He will draw you into a life of crucifixion and humility, and put upon you such demands of obedience that you will not be able to follow other people, or measure yourself by other Christians. In many ways He will seem to let other good people do things which He will not let you do.
Seemingly religious and useful men push themselves forward, pull wires, and work schemes to carry out their plans, but you cannot do it. And if you attempt it, you will meet with such failure and rebuke from the Lord as to make you sorely penitent.
Others may boast of themselves, of their work, of their success, of their writings, but the Holy Spirit will not allow you to do it. If you begin it, He will lead you into some deep mortification that will make you despise yourself and all your good words.
Others may be allowed to succeed in making money, or may have a legacy left to them. But it is likely God wants you to have something far better than gold--a helpless dependence upon Him, that He may have the privilege of supplying your needs day by day out of an unseen treasury.
The Lord may let others be honored and put forward, and keep you hidden in obscurity, because He wants to produce some choice, fragrant fruit for His coming glory, which can be produced only in the shade. He may let others be great, but keep you small. He may let others do work for Him and get the credit for it, but He will make you work and toil without knowing how much you are doing. And then to make your work still more precious, He may let others get the credit for the work you have done, making your reward ten times greater when Jesus comes.
The Holy Spirit will put a strict watch over you with jealous love, and will rebuke you for little words and feelings, or for wasting your time, which other Christians never seem distressed over. So, make up your mind that God is an infinite Sovereign and has the right to do as He pleases with His own. He may not explain to you a thousand things which puzzle your reason in His dealings with you, but if you absolutely sell yourself to be His love-slave, He will wrap you up in a jealous love and bestow upon you many blessings which come only to those in the inner circle.
Settle it forever, then, that you are to deal directly with the Holy Spirit, and that He is to have the privilege of tying your tongue, or restraining your hand, or closing your eyes, in ways that He does not seem to do with others. Notice Jesus' reply when Peter was more concerned with what John should do than with his own responsibility. "What is that to thee? Follow thou me" (John 21:22)
When you are so possessed with the living God that you are, in your secret heart, pleased and delighted over this particular, personal, private, jealous guardianship and management of the Holy Spirit over your life, you will have found the vestibule of heaven.
"If ye then be risen with Christ,...Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth. For ye are dead, and our life is hid with Christ in God" (Colossians 3:1-3).
"And lest I should be exalted about measure...there was given to me a thorn in my flesh...For this thing I besought and the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me. And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me" (2 Corinthians 12:7-9).
"So then every one of us shall give account of himself to God." G.D. Watson-adapted."
Seemingly religious and useful men push themselves forward, pull wires, and work schemes to carry out their plans, but you cannot do it. And if you attempt it, you will meet with such failure and rebuke from the Lord as to make you sorely penitent.
Others may boast of themselves, of their work, of their success, of their writings, but the Holy Spirit will not allow you to do it. If you begin it, He will lead you into some deep mortification that will make you despise yourself and all your good words.
Others may be allowed to succeed in making money, or may have a legacy left to them. But it is likely God wants you to have something far better than gold--a helpless dependence upon Him, that He may have the privilege of supplying your needs day by day out of an unseen treasury.
The Lord may let others be honored and put forward, and keep you hidden in obscurity, because He wants to produce some choice, fragrant fruit for His coming glory, which can be produced only in the shade. He may let others be great, but keep you small. He may let others do work for Him and get the credit for it, but He will make you work and toil without knowing how much you are doing. And then to make your work still more precious, He may let others get the credit for the work you have done, making your reward ten times greater when Jesus comes.
The Holy Spirit will put a strict watch over you with jealous love, and will rebuke you for little words and feelings, or for wasting your time, which other Christians never seem distressed over. So, make up your mind that God is an infinite Sovereign and has the right to do as He pleases with His own. He may not explain to you a thousand things which puzzle your reason in His dealings with you, but if you absolutely sell yourself to be His love-slave, He will wrap you up in a jealous love and bestow upon you many blessings which come only to those in the inner circle.
Settle it forever, then, that you are to deal directly with the Holy Spirit, and that He is to have the privilege of tying your tongue, or restraining your hand, or closing your eyes, in ways that He does not seem to do with others. Notice Jesus' reply when Peter was more concerned with what John should do than with his own responsibility. "What is that to thee? Follow thou me" (John 21:22)
When you are so possessed with the living God that you are, in your secret heart, pleased and delighted over this particular, personal, private, jealous guardianship and management of the Holy Spirit over your life, you will have found the vestibule of heaven.
"If ye then be risen with Christ,...Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth. For ye are dead, and our life is hid with Christ in God" (Colossians 3:1-3).
"And lest I should be exalted about measure...there was given to me a thorn in my flesh...For this thing I besought and the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me. And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me" (2 Corinthians 12:7-9).
"So then every one of us shall give account of himself to God." G.D. Watson-adapted."
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Encouragement
In these past few months I have grown increasingly discouraged. The more I study the Bible and read, the more I see sin and the world all around me. It's a stark contrast between things from above and things contrary to Him and although I used to see many more things as 'gray areas' I'm seeing more clearly the reality of it all. Selfishness and laziness are rebellion against the Spirit in that these things do not advance His work.
The passage in Matthew 9:35 sums it up my feelings completely, and Jesus of course hits the nail right on the head. "The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field."
Couple things, first he chose an illustration that fits. Bringing others to Christ is work. It can require careful planning, diligence and dedication. Farmers work hard from morning till night. And perhaps that is why Jesus picks this picture, as a follower of Him, there is work to be done. But, not many will do it.
And that is exactly why we are encouraged here to pray for more workers.
And the very end of this passage is a bit of encouragement for me. It's all His. Sometimes I feel like my friends and family are mine for the winning over to Christ. But in reality-they are all part of His harvest. If they will not hear, it is not for me to worry. But this does not give me a justification to sit back, on the contrary-I, as a servant and worker, need to pray for others to work along side of me.
Another verse I just came upon today really helped put things in perspective. It's 1 Corinthians 15:58 "Therefore, my dear brothers (that's me!), stand firm. Let nothing move you (not even disappointment). Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain."
I have made the mistake of talking with other sinners of my despair about the situation I see. And not once yet has someone given a bit of encouragement like Paul does in this verse. I've heard it all from shooing my observances away as if they are not valid (even though our own Lord acknowledges them?), to pointing to differences among gifts (although this isn't really relevant) and even to changing the subject quickly so that a response doesn't even have to be thought up.
What I need to remember is first to pray for more help when I feel overwhelmed or even alone in my endeavors. Secondly to make sure I'm working my hardest and best for the Lord. Not sitting lazily around watching the wind blow (or all my favorite episodes of TV), and lastly that God sees my heart and He is glad with me. My labor is not in vain simply because it is for him. I'm not working for man's approval or for money or other gain, it is for Him, that others may see His glory and come to know Him for themselves.
I'm so glad that I read this verse today-I actually wanted to read through 2 Corinthians but started in the first one by mistake and decided to go for it anyways, thankful I did. God makes no mistakes.
The passage in Matthew 9:35 sums it up my feelings completely, and Jesus of course hits the nail right on the head. "The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field."
Couple things, first he chose an illustration that fits. Bringing others to Christ is work. It can require careful planning, diligence and dedication. Farmers work hard from morning till night. And perhaps that is why Jesus picks this picture, as a follower of Him, there is work to be done. But, not many will do it.
And that is exactly why we are encouraged here to pray for more workers.
And the very end of this passage is a bit of encouragement for me. It's all His. Sometimes I feel like my friends and family are mine for the winning over to Christ. But in reality-they are all part of His harvest. If they will not hear, it is not for me to worry. But this does not give me a justification to sit back, on the contrary-I, as a servant and worker, need to pray for others to work along side of me.
Another verse I just came upon today really helped put things in perspective. It's 1 Corinthians 15:58 "Therefore, my dear brothers (that's me!), stand firm. Let nothing move you (not even disappointment). Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain."
I have made the mistake of talking with other sinners of my despair about the situation I see. And not once yet has someone given a bit of encouragement like Paul does in this verse. I've heard it all from shooing my observances away as if they are not valid (even though our own Lord acknowledges them?), to pointing to differences among gifts (although this isn't really relevant) and even to changing the subject quickly so that a response doesn't even have to be thought up.
What I need to remember is first to pray for more help when I feel overwhelmed or even alone in my endeavors. Secondly to make sure I'm working my hardest and best for the Lord. Not sitting lazily around watching the wind blow (or all my favorite episodes of TV), and lastly that God sees my heart and He is glad with me. My labor is not in vain simply because it is for him. I'm not working for man's approval or for money or other gain, it is for Him, that others may see His glory and come to know Him for themselves.
I'm so glad that I read this verse today-I actually wanted to read through 2 Corinthians but started in the first one by mistake and decided to go for it anyways, thankful I did. God makes no mistakes.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Luke 10:2
"He told them,"the harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, to send out workers into his harvest field." Luke 10:2.
Oh Lord, how we need more workers. My heart is so heavy at the lack of care by Your people. Lord how I pray you would unload your blessings on those who serve You and do Your work. Take what you must until only you remain, and may this be true in my own life.
Lord burden the hardened hearts of those who look on but are unmoved. Break their will to conform to Yours. Show them Your love and how doing Your work is the most blessed job there could ever be.
Show me more clearly how to live for You, to walk with You, to speak Your words, to show Your Love.
Please Lord, increase the workers. The need is so great, but it is not burdensome. Show others this precious truth.
In Him only,
Amen.
Oh Lord, how we need more workers. My heart is so heavy at the lack of care by Your people. Lord how I pray you would unload your blessings on those who serve You and do Your work. Take what you must until only you remain, and may this be true in my own life.
Lord burden the hardened hearts of those who look on but are unmoved. Break their will to conform to Yours. Show them Your love and how doing Your work is the most blessed job there could ever be.
Show me more clearly how to live for You, to walk with You, to speak Your words, to show Your Love.
Please Lord, increase the workers. The need is so great, but it is not burdensome. Show others this precious truth.
In Him only,
Amen.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
A "real" Christian
It's astonishing how little the word "Christian" means. I'm almost ashamed to use it to define myself anymore. Maybe I should start introducing myself as a "real" Christian, but that would require too much explanation I suppose.
You see, so many claim a belief in God and Jesus and say "he died for my sins", and amen, but don't want to change anything about themselves. People do not want to face the fact of sin , real sin that is plaguing their life; hiding behind the convenient "American dream" . Selfishness, greediness, covetousness and lusts of the heart are running rampant through American churches, and through the hearts of so many "Christians".
I myself only recently was truly convicted of my serious heart issues. The greed I found lurking behind my proclaimed "needs" was terrifying. I was completely humbled by what I found the Bible to say about the love of money.
But it's not just that issue which is being ignored. So many commandments in the Bible are simply turned a blind eye toand explained away by "Christians" hoping to live the life they want as good American citizens.
Perhaps I've gotten a bit jaded by taking off the rose colored glasses I'd been wearing too long, but by the grace of God I see things so clearly now. I'm constantly reading a familiar passage and saying "OH! Now I get it!", and it seems so simple.
To me, the term Christian means you've got your "golden ticket" into heaven. Somewhere along the way you prayed and asked Jesus into your heart. The difference is a matter of life and death. That prayer doesn't mean much if it isn't accompanied by a sacrifice of your life. If living the same life of an unbeliever, minus the "big" sins is comfortable to you, you're probably not a "real" Christian. I was this so called quasi-Christian for a long long time. But God saved me from that and He has taken hold of my life.
I hate feeling so skeptical of everyone who claims to be a Christian.
From now on I think I'll just go with, 'a disciple of Christ' or my favorite, 'a servant to the king'. It would be interesting to see the looks I get from such bold claims-ones I can make assured and confident of in Him.
You see, so many claim a belief in God and Jesus and say "he died for my sins", and amen, but don't want to change anything about themselves. People do not want to face the fact of sin , real sin that is plaguing their life; hiding behind the convenient "American dream" . Selfishness, greediness, covetousness and lusts of the heart are running rampant through American churches, and through the hearts of so many "Christians".
I myself only recently was truly convicted of my serious heart issues. The greed I found lurking behind my proclaimed "needs" was terrifying. I was completely humbled by what I found the Bible to say about the love of money.
But it's not just that issue which is being ignored. So many commandments in the Bible are simply turned a blind eye toand explained away by "Christians" hoping to live the life they want as good American citizens.
Perhaps I've gotten a bit jaded by taking off the rose colored glasses I'd been wearing too long, but by the grace of God I see things so clearly now. I'm constantly reading a familiar passage and saying "OH! Now I get it!", and it seems so simple.
To me, the term Christian means you've got your "golden ticket" into heaven. Somewhere along the way you prayed and asked Jesus into your heart. The difference is a matter of life and death. That prayer doesn't mean much if it isn't accompanied by a sacrifice of your life. If living the same life of an unbeliever, minus the "big" sins is comfortable to you, you're probably not a "real" Christian. I was this so called quasi-Christian for a long long time. But God saved me from that and He has taken hold of my life.
I hate feeling so skeptical of everyone who claims to be a Christian.
From now on I think I'll just go with, 'a disciple of Christ' or my favorite, 'a servant to the king'. It would be interesting to see the looks I get from such bold claims-ones I can make assured and confident of in Him.
Closeness
When you walk next to someone you can hear them talk, even if it's in a whisper.
Lately God has been placing truths on my heart, truths that I probably should have already known.
In this very fact I am comforted because I know He is right beside me, talking to me and sharing all about Himself.
If someone was across the room from me and I needed to grab their attention I might yell "Hey!" Hopefully they would hear this and look my way, but if not I might try again louder, "Hey! Over here!".
For many years I was far from God and if I look back I see ways in which He was calling to me. Now that I'm walking with Him he can speak softly and gently to tell me all that He wants me to know.
Lately God has been placing truths on my heart, truths that I probably should have already known.
In this very fact I am comforted because I know He is right beside me, talking to me and sharing all about Himself.
If someone was across the room from me and I needed to grab their attention I might yell "Hey!" Hopefully they would hear this and look my way, but if not I might try again louder, "Hey! Over here!".
For many years I was far from God and if I look back I see ways in which He was calling to me. Now that I'm walking with Him he can speak softly and gently to tell me all that He wants me to know.
A full heart-heartfull
God speaks to me. A few years ago a comment like this would have made me cringe-even as a believer.
You see, I would believe that people could "hear" the voice of God through scripture, or even "hear" answers to prayers based on what ones He answered (a.k.a. what ones people got their way in).
But to say that God spoke to someone would be a bit fanatical. One thing I'm learning is that I am my own definition of fanatical! Things I used to think were a bit extreme are now my way of life.
So if it makes me fanatical to say I've heard the voice of God-then so be it. But there is no other explanation for it. The first time I heard it I confused it with a "good idea" I had. Imagine that!
Confusing God with me! But as I've come to know Him better, I can now hear Him through all the other noise that floats in my head and my heart.
He finds me when I'm alone (walking dogs) and places things on my heart that can only be attributed to Him. Ideas that are so beyond anything I could have thought up. Truths that once bewildered me are suddenly clear.
Without my glasses or contacts I am blind. From bed one night I called to my cat Scotchy. He's a long haired tan colored cat. I didn't know what John was laughing about till I put my glasses on and realized I was calling to a paper bag.
Without Christ I am blind. I reach for the wrong things, I walk into walls, I can not live without Him. I can not go a day without Him.
My heart is so full of the truths and wonders God is showing me. I feel like I could burst!
You see, I would believe that people could "hear" the voice of God through scripture, or even "hear" answers to prayers based on what ones He answered (a.k.a. what ones people got their way in).
But to say that God spoke to someone would be a bit fanatical. One thing I'm learning is that I am my own definition of fanatical! Things I used to think were a bit extreme are now my way of life.
So if it makes me fanatical to say I've heard the voice of God-then so be it. But there is no other explanation for it. The first time I heard it I confused it with a "good idea" I had. Imagine that!
Confusing God with me! But as I've come to know Him better, I can now hear Him through all the other noise that floats in my head and my heart.
He finds me when I'm alone (walking dogs) and places things on my heart that can only be attributed to Him. Ideas that are so beyond anything I could have thought up. Truths that once bewildered me are suddenly clear.
Without my glasses or contacts I am blind. From bed one night I called to my cat Scotchy. He's a long haired tan colored cat. I didn't know what John was laughing about till I put my glasses on and realized I was calling to a paper bag.
Without Christ I am blind. I reach for the wrong things, I walk into walls, I can not live without Him. I can not go a day without Him.
My heart is so full of the truths and wonders God is showing me. I feel like I could burst!
I'm Awe-full
The english language really doesn't make too much sense. I'm really glad I learned it as my first language and didn't have to figure it out later.
Words such as; careful, suspenseful, powerful, painful--are easy to figure out their meanings. Take the ending (full) and add it to the beginning--full of care, full of suspense, full of power, etc.
But Awful makes no sense. It's definition is along the lines of terrible, dreadful, bad. But the word Awe doesn't mean that at all--to be in Awe of something is to be overwhelmed by wonder and admiration. It can mean to have a reverent fear. So I like to use this word in that way--not as something terrible but something full of awe.
And I am full of awe. I am absolutely amazed and overwhelmed. God has taken my life and transformed it. I never imagined what life could be.
This blog is dedication to telling of the saving grace of Christ, it's about the transforming power of the Spirit and it's about the life of a servant to the King.
Words such as; careful, suspenseful, powerful, painful--are easy to figure out their meanings. Take the ending (full) and add it to the beginning--full of care, full of suspense, full of power, etc.
But Awful makes no sense. It's definition is along the lines of terrible, dreadful, bad. But the word Awe doesn't mean that at all--to be in Awe of something is to be overwhelmed by wonder and admiration. It can mean to have a reverent fear. So I like to use this word in that way--not as something terrible but something full of awe.
And I am full of awe. I am absolutely amazed and overwhelmed. God has taken my life and transformed it. I never imagined what life could be.
This blog is dedication to telling of the saving grace of Christ, it's about the transforming power of the Spirit and it's about the life of a servant to the King.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)